As a child, I asked about religion when I began to understand that there were more than one path to follow. The only reasons we would attend church (Catholic) were weddings, baptisms and funerals. Making friends who had different spiritual backgrounds was difficult. My parents were very biased against other religions, although they neglected their own. I was curious to learn about other ways, and asked my parents what, in fact, we really 'were'. My mother was a 'lapsed Catholic', whose interactions with a local church consisted of: getting ashes on her forehead once a year, collecting a small vial of blessed water 'just in case', and attending BINGO night in the church basement every week.
My father was slightly more interesting. He told me that he was made to attend Shul (synagogue) on Saturdays and Catholic church services on Sundays. He considered both a complete waste and decided that having religion 'shoved down his throat' as a child wasn't how he wanted to raise his own children.
My very first best friend, Kelly Green, was the product of 'lazy, no-good, pot-smokin' hippies". They had beaded curtains and the most wonderful things to look at. Their home always smelled of incense and my bff's prized possession was her appendix in a small glass jar. I was far too young then to understand much more than the fact that her mother smelled so wonderfully exotic in patchouli and sandalwood. Her father was always laid back and relaxed and gave off a feeling of being 'safe and protected'. Finally, my mother proclaimed her edict: I was no longer to 'hang out with that Kelly or her weirdo parents." I was heartbroken.
The very few times I was allowed freedom after that would be the invitations to church from the families in our buildings. My mother didn't mind since it got me out of her hair for a few hours. I began to learn the basics of religion in small, indirect ways. There were a lot to choose from. It became a smorgasbord of culture. Baptists, Jehovah's Witnesses, Methodist, Christian and more... I experienced these snippets like hors d'oeuvres and developed a taste for them.
Like one who is learning to cook, my spiritual palate was laid open! For a time, my thirst was quenched by Living Water, my hunger sated with the Bread of Life. I wanted more. I craved it, but nothing ever felt as right to me, as safe, as correct, as anything I experienced with Kelly's family.
During my teen years, I began to experience more of life. Introduced to fortune tellers, palm readers and other types my family would be aghast at knowing I was spending time with, I got a taste of that 'forbidden' fruit. Always, I remained on the outside, but still felt that it called me. Knowing that I would catch another frenzied beating if I were caught with so much as a sigil of protection. The irony was not lost on me.
So much of what was considered "wrong" was a part of me in a way I couldn't understand. It was like I was standing in a garden full of fruit, full of life. The smell of nourishment made me giddy in mouth-watering glee, but I was told all the fruit was poison. How could this be possible?
Everything I was and felt was taboo. How I loved and whom I loved - illicit. The path I wanted to follow - unmentionable. How I felt about life added to my depression, which runs in my family like a freight train. On top of all the other factors that were affecting me, not being able to explore the 'self' I wanted to be began to eat away at my soul. Hopelessness dug its dark claws into me and found me easy prey. My self esteem had never been high, but it now sank to an all time low. Nothing I did mattered, and not even God cared about me.
In high school, I still remained on the outside of things, but had a working relationship with many of the cliques. I played varsity softball, but never ‘hung out’ with my teammates. I buried my nose in books to escape, and found that I liked to write as well. I began writing short stories and poems, and used the library as a haven. It was safe and quiet, and full of everything I needed. My research began in many topics, and then tentatively, I started in on religion.
I couldn’t ask many questions, but I read what I could get my hands on. There were parts I agreed with. There were parts I disagreed with. A lot of it confused me, so I took as much information as I could from context and thought about it. From Torah to New Testament, I kept moving and eventually found my way to Anton LaVey, The Satanic Bible and The Devil’s Notebook. I had received copies of these from a cousin for my birthday. These were considered to be a joke gift, and not a fun one. My family isn’t great at being supportive, but I took them and read them. From that point on, I had a new nickname, “Witch”.
Perhaps it’s not so strange that The Devil’s Notebook led me to learn more about Wicca.
“If Aleister Crowley had not been "the world's wickedst man," the like of Gerald Gardner and Margaret Murray could not have stepped onstage for purposes of "enlightenment," and Dennis Wheatley might be a starving hack.” - The Devil’s Notebook
I began reading more and found In the Shadow of the Shaman: Connecting with Self, Nature and Spirit by Amber Wolfe. There was something in her style of writing that put me at ease and helped me to understand a lot about Wicca. I don’t believe I’m in any way a Shaman, but I could be a Shamanic Practioner. I feel I could be a good one, but it’s not what’s really in my heart. There are many parts that I can learn from and use in my own eclectic path, so it pays to do more research on it.
Herbal Magick is only a part of Kitchen Witchery. Not only do I understand that herbs can be burned for spells, but they can also be used in cooking – especially if you’re trying to have a special evening with a loved one. Tomatoes, basil, garlic, rosemary, and damiana can make a wonderful pasta sauce and a fantastic aphrodisiac too. More than cooking, a “KW” also has skills in all things homey. Sewing, Crafting, Managing Money, First Aid and Cleaning are all important parts of what she does.
"Think back to your childhood for a moment. To that one person in your life you loved to go to their house on a daily basis. They always had cookies or a hug for you, they didn't mind you staying for several hours simply because you were there, and you didn't mind that they didn't have cartoons or that they didn't play with you, but sitting and talking was the greatest thing." (from http://erinsjournal.com/HML08.pdf)
"Think back to your childhood for a moment. To that one person in your life you loved to go to their house on a daily basis. They always had cookies or a hug for you, they didn't mind you staying for several hours simply because you were there, and you didn't mind that they didn't have cartoons or that they didn't play with you, but sitting and talking was the greatest thing." (from http://erinsjournal.com/HML08.pdf)
“The Green Witch…connects with the power and magickal energy found within herbs. Her magic is natural and is often attuned to healing– healing of the body, mind, and soul through the world of herbs and the abundant magickal power found there. This witch tends to be a solitary practitioner, often tending her gardens, perhaps even growing many of the herbs she uses in her practice. She has a unique connection to nature and to the seasons, particularly in the aspect of growing and harvesting.”
(from https://wytchymystique.com/2012/03/01/a-natural-witch-moment-what-is-the-difference-between-the-hedgewitch-kitchen-witch-green-witch )
(from https://wytchymystique.com/2012/03/01/a-natural-witch-moment-what-is-the-difference-between-the-hedgewitch-kitchen-witch-green-witch )
Wicca, a Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham is the ‘required’ reading for this part of the course. However, it really makes me realize that being an eclectic solitary practitioner is okay if it truly feels right to me. I do like to reach out to others, and I feel that there is a lot to learn from them. I want to be able to interact with others and form bonds. I want to support others and be supported, but ultimately, I’m more comfortable with my own thoughts.
